


The old oak tree

by im_always_down_to_hide_with_you



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Death, F/F, Loss, i know i'm torturing them but please forgive me, i made myself cry so you have been warned, it was for a challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 03:36:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16210598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_always_down_to_hide_with_you/pseuds/im_always_down_to_hide_with_you
Summary: To the lovely people of the bellamione discord (and trashy)





	The old oak tree

**Author's Note:**

> To the lovely people of the bellamione discord (and trashy)

My darlings. I am so, so sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there.

Oh little one, your mother and I were so excited to move in here. It's a beautiful house. She thought so too, but the thing she was most excited about was that big old oak in the garden. You know the one. That blessed, cursed tree. 

She was quite insistent, you know. From the moment we began talking about moving in together, she wouldn't let go of the idea that there had to be a nice big tree in the garden. The first time we visited this place it was a sunny spring day. One of those days with promise in the air, the first hints of warmer weather to come. Your mother was delighted with it. She ran out into the garden laughing like a child. 

'Look, Bella!' she said as she ran, 'The oak! It's perfect! I can see our little one swinging from it already!'

I smiled in spite of myself. Did she actually want the swing for our child, or for herself? Well, probably both.

I walked up to her and put a hand on her stomach, over the tiny new life that was developing there.

'I'm sure she'll love it,' I said, kissing her temple. 'Almost as much as you will,' I joked. 

Hermione pulled a face at me.

Behind us the estate agent smiled a sickly false smile. 'I take it this one is looking good then?'

The small man couldn't have cared less about our decision, as long as we bought a house and lined his pockets.

But that didn't matter. For once I didn't even feel irritated by him. I would soon be living with my darling mudblood, and our small, strange, perfect family. 

-

The house isn't a warm place now. It isn't bright. The winter months stole the sun, just as they stole you, little one. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. 

I never even got to look into your eyes. Never got to see them sparkle in the sunshine the way they should have, they way your mother's did. Never got to watch her pushing you on that swing, the way she'd dreamed. 

She would sit out there, you know, after we lost you. She'd sit there for hours on the swing she built for you, just staring at nothing in particular.

I'd beg her to come inside. The weather was turning. But day after day she sat there. I brought her blankets and hot drinks and food, but she barely ate. It was as if she thought she could bring you back if she focused on you hard enough. But she care that she was withering, disappearing.

I didn't understand it at the time, even though I tried. I suppose I was numb. But Hermione felt everything. And on top of it all, on top of the sadness and the weight of loss, she felt guilt.

I didn't see it then, but I do now. She thought it was her fault that we lost you. 

You were so small, my little one. So fragile. It was nobody's fault. I'm just so sorry I wasn't there for your brief few minutes in this world.

I was away that day when she fell down the stairs. I wasn't there to catch her. And then she went into labour.

It was too soon, and she knew it. The doctors knew it. They did everything they could, but it wasn't enough. 

By the time I was there, you'd already left us.

The pain of it was sudden and raw and I screamed as your mother sat and cried for you silently. 

-

I tried to be there for her, little one. I tried to comfort her, even though I had little to give. I promised I'd never leave her side again. I was determined that no matter how difficult it was, no matter how long it lasted, we'd get through this winter. The chill would pass and the sun would shine and although we would keep you in our hearts, we would keep living.

I don't believe that anymore, my darling. The sun may shine but I will never feel its warmth. The winter has stolen everything from me, and the house is cold and empty.

And that cursed tree. I cut it down. I burned it. I burned the whole thing and still I was cold.

Now all that remains is a charred stump.

Perhaps I shouldn't have done that. But I did. I did it because I knew I'd never be able to see it without reliving that morning, seeing her swinging there beneath its bare branches. Swinging. Back and forth, back and forth. With the rope around her neck.

-

She is with you now, my little one. And I know she will take care of you. I am sorry that I never got the chance.


End file.
